we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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