This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
