I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
