I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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