remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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