remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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