My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
