Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
