So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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