Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
