I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
