he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
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You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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