Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
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