If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
