I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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