The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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