That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
