You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i dont even know how to be here
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
