Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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