you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
