I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
