Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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