I feel great
I just peed on a car
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
