Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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