I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
