How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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