Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize