you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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