Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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