Having a random hookup so left but love u
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
