It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
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You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
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after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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