96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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