I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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