I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
