Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
