He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
