i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
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I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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