Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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