I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
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She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
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I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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