K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
