someone owes me an orgasm
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
you never un-have a 4some
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
we're so committed to being not committed
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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