I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
