Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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