i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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