Ambien. No doubt about it.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
