I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
