We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
