Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
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Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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