Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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