I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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