I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
