dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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