so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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