omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
