some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
