hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You can't special order awesome
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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