My friends, they love my intelligence
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
FUCK WHALES
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
