Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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