His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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