I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
