3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
