watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
