I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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