u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
this boner is exhausting
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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