Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
