$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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