I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The Olympian is in my bed
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
