Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
