it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
