So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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