You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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