How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
