I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
