i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
