i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
